Today I Kissed My Love Goodbye

Today I kissed my love goodbye. “Don’t forget your dinner!” “Do you have your gun and shield?” “Come home safe!” I kissed my love goodbye – and watched him walk away. Every day. All these years of practicing this same routine and it somehow has gotten harder instead of easier. That voice inside me wondering – was that the last […]

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Where’s Your Husband?

I’m there alone – again – and it’s only a matter of time before someone asks. The day was long, it’s still not over, and the hours of single parenting are wearing me down. I sit quietly. The breezy small talk isn’t coming easily to me today, but I smile as the other parents chat. And then, the inevitable: “Where’s […]

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Not Just a Job

There’s another side to police life. There’s a part you don’t see in the media. There’s something they don’t tell you when they hand your loved one the uniform to wear, and the gun to carry. They tell you it will be a difficult life, that there will be challenges, stress, and sometimes horror. You hear about the disappointment, the […]

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Every One Is You

I see their faces, hear their names. I watch their families, heads held high, but eyes always filled with pain. I see them hand that flag and every time, just for a moment, I imagine myself standing there, reaching out my hands to take it. It’s my nightmare, the one that never goes away. It’s the thought that keeps me […]

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They Don’t See Him

He is finally home after working a 26-hour shift. He’s exhausted and should be in bed, but he’s on the couch across from me instead. “I’m not tired, sweetheart, I want to be with you.” 5 minutes later – he’s snoring mid-sentence. Today Mikey informed me that “when we all grow up Daddy’s going to be a hero.” But Daddy […]

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Tomorrow – Who Is Next?

I woke up this morning and saw his face everywhere. I kept hoping that it was just another rumor, and that someone had it wrong. I felt the ache wash over me, that pain in my heart that had only just begun to heal. I saw his face, his body dressed in that familiar blue, his eyes made serious for […]

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We Know Who You Are

The horrors you have seen, I can never take away. They are seared forever onto the heart so many people think you don’t have. The nightmares you have lived through have changed you, forever. The people you have saved, do they remember you? Your uniform is a blessing and a curse. Forgotten so often, your name remembered only to be […]

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You Betrayed Them

I was driving to a Christmas party when my phone rang. I heard the words and my heart felt shattered. Every fear, every worry, every feeling of panic came rushing into my throat and I couldn’t stop it. I had to stop it. My babies were with me. I was about to meet new people and see old friends. It […]

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I See…

I see you. I see the anger on your face as you watch the news. I see the hurt in your eyes as you see yet another “friend” post ignorant comments and photos on Facebook. I see you hold your infant son a little tighter. I see your shoulders bent a little lower as you walk to the car. Surrounded. […]

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I Want You Here

There’s so little time and so much to do. The babies keep us on our toes, there’s housework and maintenance and chores and bills. There are doctor appointments, social obligations, and all the random little things that seem to pop up at the most inconvenient times. And then just when it seems we might have that time together – the […]

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