I Am The Wife

I am the wife that sits alone, wondering if I will hear his voice.

I am the wife that packs up the kids and goes to parties, school events, family functions and holiday dinners – with or without him.

I am the wife that will never skip that kiss goodbye – because if today is his last day, I want him to remember love.

I am the wife that says no to others, even those I love, because sometimes it’s more important to spend time with each other.

I am the wife that has learned to value 10 minutes of quality time over hours of careless exchange.

I am the wife that picks up the pieces of his heart when he comes home shattered by what he has seen.

I am the wife that holds him close, when the horror overwhelms him.

I am the wife that understands his need for peace – a peace that is in such contrast to what he lives out there.

I am the wife that will smile and answer casually when they ask me “Where’s your husband,” but inside I will be saying. “I do not know.”

I am the wife that values my independence, but also misses his presence in our days.

I am the wife that fights for him – my weapons are words and not guns, but my husband will always know that he is respected and valued in his home.

I am the wife that often resents those other spouses with their “normal” schedules, their weekends together, their summer days, and their dinners all gathered around the table.

I am the wife that gets so used to being alone that sometimes when he is home it takes getting used to.

I am the wife whose kids add “police officer” to their list of superheroes, right next to Batman and Iron Man.

I am the wife that is used to rescheduling appointments 2 or 3 times because – court, drug bust, collar, shooting.

I am the wife that feels a bond with women I have never met, because our family is “blue,” and we understand each other’s hearts.

I am the wife that has cried aching tears for a family I do not know as I watch tiny hands wave goodbye to a father they may not remember.

I am the wife who feels relief when that “I’m ok” text comes in after the media announces an officer down.

I am the wife who feels guilty that I feel relief, knowing another wife is now in pain.

I am the wife that has felt such anger over the injustice of a world that decides people’s lives based on a video clip shared on social media.

I am the wife that plans vacations spur of the moment, because in-advance plans inevitably get cancelled.

I am the wife that has felt disappointed or disgusted by the wrongdoing of officers.

I am the wife that waits for the sound of his boots on the stairs each night.

I am the wife that feels pride when I see him dressed in those blues, and I know for sure that his heart, despite all that it has seen, is strong and good.

I am the wife that tells him: “Come home to me,” and when he says “I will,” we both know it’s a promise he might not keep.

I am the wife that is just like you.

I love. I struggle. I cry. I laugh. I fight. I overcome.

I am the wife that walks the Thin Blue Line.

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21 Comments

  1. oh anna! your heart is gold! thank you for sharing this with us! I have a friend who is in a serious relationship with a police office and I think she would love to read your posts!

  2. Well said! It’s so amazing to me that the women who know us best are ones we have never met in person. ❀️ And thankful for all our family in blue. God please keep them safe and bring them back home to us every night.

  3. So many of these rang so true for me…. Here are a few of my own….

    I am the wife who stays up late, into the early morning hours, just listening to him talk about his day/night because he cannot sleep.

    I am the wife that does the best she can to understand all he goes through but can only imagine what he is exposed to during his career.

    I am the wife that no matter what she does cannot make all the bad things go away but hopes she is able to make it more bearable.

  4. Perfect words and so true. I can’t imagine how you do it all in addition to raising your children, but I know when we have our own, I will be looking to your advice.

  5. I loved this! Oh mama..i cant imagine how hard it is for you to be so uncertain, to be strong, to be alone, to be wondering, to worry, to feel unbalanced at times..but this piece tells me how strong your love is for each other. How perfect of a wife you are for your husband, who makes who he is feel so present, even when he’s not in your arms. I send you lots of love for when you feel lonely and miss him. I send you strength for days when it all feels heavy! You are strong, you are brave, you are amazing, and you are PERFECT for him! ❀

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