Mommy, Watch This!

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Mommy, do you see me?

Mommy, look at me!

Mommy, watch this!

Some little voice is always calling. Little hands are always pulling. Not just my body but my heart is tugged in so many different directions.

Sometimes the day ends, and I wonder where it went.

Sometimes the hours drag by, and it becomes a waiting game till it’s dark enough to call it bedtime.

Finding the balance is my constant challenge. Wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister… there are so many hats to wear, and sometimes I worry that I’m wearing none of them well.

Is it possible to be everything I want to be for them? Will they remember me and know my love?

Mommy, do you see me?

I do, my babies, I see all of you.Β  I see you playing together as I hurry by to finish that laundry or pack up Daddy’s dinner.Β  I see you while I feed you, while I dress you, while I brush those teeth and wash the hands that still seem impossibly small.Β  I see you when we read your favorite stories, and your eyes light up. I see the way you help your sister, using words we taught you, and seeing you then makes everything worth while.Β  I see you making the baby laugh, I see your spirit and your independence, that fire in you that I hope will never be dimmed. I see you, my not-so-tiny-anymore son, with a personality so calm and gentle, and I wonder what you will be like as you grow.

Mommy, watch this!

For a while, I was saying “just a minute,” and then I’d forget to go back. Did they remember? Maybe not. But I do. So now I stay. A minute spent on them means so little and yet so much.

They say that children often don’t remember, and maybe that’s true. They might not remember the toddler outings, the field trips, the activities. They don’t remember the long nights, the tears shed, the aching arms that carried them for hours when they were sick.

But they remember love. They remember how they felt, even when they cannot remember what was done. They remember how it was said, more than what was said.

This is their childhood. These are their memories.

I want them to remember love.

Mommy, watch this!

I am, my babies, I am. Watching, learning, remembering… loving all of you.

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