Reflections 

It’s rare that I get overly excited for New Year’s, but this year I definitely am. There is something beautiful about new beginnings, and while each new day can be that fresh start, a new YEAR is just that much more hopeful.

I was browsing through older posts of mine recently, and I had to laugh. The perky ease of mothering 2 children is no longer my life, and now, with 4 children in 6 years, there is no extra of me to spare. #morecoffeeplease ? At (almost) 31, I am not the person I was when I became a mother at 24, and I have no doubt that each year will bring new changes, both good and bad, to my life and to myself.

Living with intention has become paramount because the days, as long as they often seem, are flying by.

Parenting books and “philosophies” and catchy slogans have little use in the day to day of my mothering, but parenting with love and courage remains my goal. External smiles are less important than finding joy within my heart.

Marriage this year was less flowers and romance, and more holding tightly to each other through days that seemed impossible. And then laughing about it. And then kissing. And then juggling bills and babies and diapers and jobs and schedules and meals and groceries and doctors. And then holding tightly again in love. Somehow, this year made me love him more.

Community, this last year and a half, has been a blessing I could not have imagined. There’s so much talk about a lack of real contact in our modern world, people isolating themselves, but in this little corner of the world I have found my tribe – this beautiful, caring community that lifts up and inspires.

Fulfilling the expectations of others matters little compared to the needs and happiness of the ones I love most, and letting go of those others is freeing.

Facing, accepting the past can be challenging, but it can lead to a beautiful present and future.

This year, I was reminded of how much words matter. If you see beauty, speak it. If you feel love, speak it. If you feel anger, sadness, loss – speak. Life is too short to stay silent or closed off.

The more open my heart becomes, the more vulnerable I feel. And yet the reward is that the very honesty which made me afraid to trust, is what now makes my relationships deeper and stronger.

Today and every day, I choose love, because whatever I may do wrong in this life, I will never regret love.

 

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