Your Child Doesn’t Need Me, He Needs You

needs you

Well! After that last post kind of blew up my little blog over here, I was trying to think of what on earth should happen next.

Do I write a reply post, where I offer a rebuttal to all the arguments offered in the comments? There were a slew of comments referring to medical/dental/school expenses, which were a bit pointless, since I had prefaced the original post saying that those ARE expenses that add up quickly.

Besides those, there really were only 3 major arguments: daycare costs (I stay home with my children), teenagers eat a lot and do extracurricular activities (one of the many reasons why we’re careful to live simply now so that we are better prepared for the future), and college. We have exactly zero intention of paying for our kids’ college education. Assistance with books, etc. will certainly be given, and any child who attends a local school will obviously still be welcome to live at home with us. Beyond that, our belief is, if you’re old enough to want an education worth tens of thousands of dollars, then you better have worked hard the entire time we were paying for everything, possibly earn scholarships, and take minimal loans if necessary.

On the flip side, there are many excellent and respectable careers that don’t require a college degree, and if a child of ours prefers to pursue a trade instead of paying thousands for college, we feel there is definite pride in that as well. My husband and I are both from “large” families. We took some loans, got some scholarships, and worked our way through college, and we saw many benefits to that compared to peers who had college paid for. I am fully aware that the whole funding college/not funding college is a major debate, but it’s not a debate I intend to get into. πŸ˜›

Which brings me to the main point of this post.

The one common thread that seems to run through many parenting debates is this: I’m doing it this way, so you should, too.

Well… no! πŸ˜€

What works for you and your family is not necessarily what works for me and mine. (And vice versa!) My personality, my beliefs, my marriage, my talents, my upbringing, my life experiences, my current life circumstances – all of these are huge factors in my personal mothering. No one has the same exact life as another, which makes it pretty much impossible to definitively say “You should do this” to any other mother. (Unless she asks if she should have some wine and chocolate. Then you should absolutely say “YES,” every time. Trust me on that. Ha!)

Your child doesn’t need me, he needs you! He was given to you, and no one knows better than you how to be his mother.

Our differences are what make us good mothers to our different children. Being able to know ourselves and offer the best of ourselves to our children is what matters. 2 kids, 8 kids; breastfeed, bottle feed; homeschool, public school; work outside, work in the home; eat takeout, cook delicious meals; pay for college, don’t pay for college – in the end, motherhood is personal. It’s hard, it’s demanding, it’s often monotonous, and sometimes it’s just totally overwhelming – but it is GOOD!

One of the best, most involved, most loving mothers I know, is a woman who, judging from externals, is nothing like me. She is a working mother and she has a completely different set of circumstances in her life and family than I do. Here’s the thing. None of that matters. It never has and it never will, because that woman, who I’m proud to call my friend, has a heart full of love for her children; she is thoughtful and intentional in her mothering, and in the end, that is what bonds us.

When all’s said and done, what you see from the outside is not what makes a good mother, it’s about what we carry in our hearts.

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“People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but people will never forget the way you made them feel.”

Will my children feel loved?

That is the only “debate” that matters to me.

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61 Comments

  1. As a mother of six contributing members of society – yes, all six of my kids are grown and I moved 750 miles from home alone! – life is different for everyone. You’ve got it. Raise those babies to have a sense of self, a sense of responsibility to self, to family, to society, to those who NEED more than they do, a sense of right and wrong. Send them into the world to do what they NEED/WANT to do. It’s the best thing we can do as parents.

  2. I love your attitude, Anna, and your parenting .. and what I ‘heard’ in this post and the first one is that you were saying ‘give your kids what they need instead of getting stressed out about keeping up with what others are doing’ . It was well written.
    Re – university education… I agree with you there too — help where you can but letting the kids work for their own post secondary education is good life training for them. Our daughter worked to pay her own way and now my granddaughters are doing the same – working/scholarships/loans — it is doable and I love what I see them becoming!
    Keep up the ‘good words’ !

  3. I reaIly wanted to post this comment on “Kids Aren’t Expensive” but the comments are closed. As I enjoy my luke-warm tea break my three year old is playing with a $5 blanket from IKEA! πŸ˜€ He has no want for more toys – trust me! (oh now he’s found a spoon!) How do you kindly suggest to relatives that your children do not really need anything for birthdays or holidays? Or that they will survive without an iPad for now? (they’re 3 &5) I also believe, and this is coming from an only child whose parents kindly paid her way through University, that had I paid for myself, stayed at home, went to the local school, I would have tried harder, pushed myself further, and studied what I wanted. I chose my degree based on my mom’s choice, as she was paying for it, I had no argument. I also agree fully that extracurricular activities are not as expensive when you limit them to a few. Now having a special needs son, there are extra expenses that come with him … but in the big scheme — all he really wants and needs is love. (Thanks for the break)

  4. I just wanted to say in my opinion you are correct. My son is almost 26 years old. He handsome, smart, witty, and a little bit self centered. ..lol. When I review his life I see a lot of fault in the way I raised him.
    I myself grew up in an abusive neglectful home. I vowed that I would never let my children suffer the same way I did. So when he was born I tried to indulge him. On am LPN pay that was tough. I worked a lot of overtime to keep up with all the things his friends had. I managed to make a few games and a few class parties but spent way more hours earning money than I spent with him. I told myself it was for him. Looking back though, I needed affirmation that I had been a better patent than my own. In truth the monetary “things” don’t matter. What matters is love, peace, and security. I wish I could slide back in time. I would quit my job and spend all those hours laughing hugging, sitting on the floor with that precious boy playing. I only had one and now that time is forever lost. Enjoy your children love them and they will flourish. An ivy league education isn’t necessary. Community college and grants, loans and scholarships along with a part time job teaches them responsibility. My son finally has settled into what he believes his career will be but at 20 he was clueless. There was a lot of cash wasted those first two years of college. As I said I wish I could go back and just enjoy him.

  5. I am a married mother of 4 and find it relatively easy to dismiss other parents choices in how they raise their children. If the children are happy and healthy, who are we to claim we are better at parenting. I agree wholeheartedly that our children are precious and we need to give them the best that we can, the best not always being $$$. My children know they are loved not because they have everything they want, but because they know I would move heaven and earth for them if need be, they know they are loved by the time we spend reading, playing even camping. I hear my children talk of all the great things they have done, not the great “THINGS” they have. Knowing that my children love the annual camping trips helps me save for those rare but yearly blessings. Picking blueberries for hours at the lakeshore in the middle of nowhere, hours to the nearest Wifi hotspot, and using the blueberries freshly picked in our pancakes for the next few days. These are the things that make my children smile. I enjoyed this blog more than most and it serves as a reminder to love time more than objects. Thank you Anna.

    Sincerely:
    B. C.

  6. I read your first post and while I agree with it’s overall message (giving your kids time and attention is more important than giving them material things, certainly) I found it to be a bit holier than thou. Greed is a word with a negative connotation so to use it to label those who give their kids nice things comes across a bit judgmental. It is possible to give your kids nice things and still be good parents. It is possible to give your kids classes and vacations that cost money and still give them time and attention, even if that is not how you do it. I also think it is possible to be a good parent and not give your kids nice things. It’s a personal choice that has to do with your personal situation and your personal values. So, to now read this follow up post where you say “to each their own, let’s don’t judge other parents” seems a bit hypocritical to me. Your first post did just that, in my opinion. It judged people who do it differently than you do. Your second post is right on! Don’t judge other parents who do it differently than you do. I support that 100%! I just wish you had taken your own advice before you wrote the first post.

    1. You completely missed the point of her first post then. If you are complaining about kids being expensive and how you struggle to provide nice things for them but do it anyway–that is who the post was for. Kids are NOT expensive, they are only as expensive as you make them out to be (with the exception of kids’ medical needs). She said nothing about parents being bad parents simply because they can afford to provide their children with nice things.

  7. First let me say that I love your heart. I read both of your articles and agree that sometimes we as parents just plain give too much and it in turn feeds greed that naturally happens to humans. However, I will say, it is way easier to sit from a parenting aspect of younger children and state what you may or may not do in the future. When my children were 3 and 4 I would have never imagined paying for private school, and yet, here we are having paid for 2 tuitions every year for the past 5 years. Not because of greed, but because my husband and I no longer believe that the public school system supports any kind of Christian beliefs what so ever. Along with school comes many different things that I will not bore you with, but I just mean I have learned that I will never say never when it comes to parenting again. Every stage is different. Every child is different. Every circumstance is different. Every financial burden is different. We, too, as a family choose to sacrifice some things others do as in annual family vacations etc. in order for me to be a stay at home mother with my children. My husband owns his own business and is a full time firefighter leightenent so he works two jobs to make sure that we are provided for. The older children get, the more they seem to cost, but the more amazing your family unit becomes if you can even imagine it to be so. πŸ™‚

  8. Kiki that’s what I like about how I grew, I can’t say I’m happy about it because it was never easy, but we I turned out to be someone who’s willing to help others because I know what it felt like not having enough, this also taught me to hold on to what I have because I didn’t have it easy.

    Generosity though isn’t determined but what you did or didn’t have, if one has a big heart and respect for others then it’s easier for them to help where they can despite the fact that they come from a well off family

  9. When I decided to quit my job and homeschool, my kids were in 6th, 7th and 10th grade, respectively. I had NO idea how we were going to be able to afford not having my income. But you know what, I found that I spent a lot more money (on clothing, gasoline, lunches, and even dinners since I was too tired to cook most nights) when I was working than I did when I stayed home. I also found that I bought a whole lot less things for my kids when I wasn’t feeling guilty all the time from being away from them so much. My kids never had brand name clothing or shoes unless I found them at a thrift shop or grandparents got it for them. They never had a video game console, cable, cell phones, new TV (we have always had hand-me-downs) and we all shared one old computer, also a hand-me-down. You know what, they have turned out to be three lovely adults who do not have a sense of entitlement and are so appreciative of what they do have. They are frugal with their money, while at the same time being generous with their giving. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I was given to enjoy them as teenagers and even more grateful that we didn’t have the money to spoil them. Great blogposts!

  10. There are many things I disagree with here but your flippant reply to the suggestion that putting kids through college is actually quite expensive is what concerns me. Higher education costs are rapidly increasing compared to the costs for our generation. The average cost for a year of college at a public school is $23,000 now. A person with only a high school degree earns 62% of what a college graduate does, on average. So if you feel that it is not your job as a parent to help with the financial burden of college, you are putting them at a huge disadvantage in life. To say that a high schooler should be able to save up for college while making minimum wage when the cost is tens of thousands of dollars in unrealistic. To say they can take out student loans to cover the entire cost is setting them up for a lifetime of debt. I feel that it is my responsibility in choosing to have children to set them up for success for the long haul in life. I factor in the cost of at least paying for a large portion of college in my family planning because I don’t think just loving them for 18 years and then telling them to figure the rest out is enough.

    1. My experience, as my children are all grown and have all completed college, is that if you want children to earn a scholarship, forget about them working. They just do not have enough time or energy to do all the required AP class homework in addition to holding a job with enough earning power to pay future college tuition and doing everything else a child is supposed to do. Our kids made good grades and all had scholarships. But there were many other costs over tuition. That is when I went to work and helped them. And we continued to help them when they married, when they had their babies and still would do whatever it takes to help them. They are all unspoiled, respectful parents now who own their own homes and have good employment. I consider helping them all I can as being part of important parenting.

      1. Like everything else, each person is different. I earned scholarships all through college while working 30+ hours a week, as did my husband. But if a parent chooses to pay for college (or anything else), and it works out well for the child, as it did/does for yours, then that’s a wonderful thing, too. πŸ™‚ Thanks for stopping by & sharing your thoughts!

    2. Again, this is based on YOUR values, YOUR belief system, etc. Which is her point. Each and every parent gets to decide for their family what they are willing to live with, and live without.

  11. witchpenguinmom I personally think that if you have a way of giving your kids the best you ought to, there is absolutely no need to be cutting down on things you can provide them with just because you are worried about what other parents would think of them.

    For as long as you live make them happy and give them the best in any way you can so that they won’t have to blame you for things you could’ve done but wouldn’t do for them.

    I had a rough time growing up but having my mom stand by me and making sure I went to school all dressed and clean in my school uniform even if it meant putting strain on her relationship with her siblings because she used my grandfather’s pension money, now that meant a lot to me because I knew she would go miles and miles for me.

    The only problem though is that till this day I’m the one paying for and caught up in disputes between her and her siblings, one of the reasons why I started my blog. when I had her I had everything, now that she is gone I can feel her absence even though she didn’t leave me any inheritance.

    She left me with a gift that no money can buy, A MOTHER’S LOVE. So do what you can for your kids, try harder on those that you can’t easily afford, the ones that seem impossible or could be delayed you talk to them and make them understand as. You are blessed to have well mannered kids because that way they will support you when you are going through hard times instead of putting pressure on you.

    Thank you

  12. I have to say Amen to that. I am a pagan and to so many that must mean I am a horrible mom :/ But once these people meet my kids they are always like “Oh…. they are so well behaved and have wonderful manners”… Duh

  13. I do not have a child, I am going to give my opinion based on a child’s point of view. I was raised by a single mother with the aid of my grandfather.

    I went to a private uni racial school which was based around our neighborhood. it is a combined school, I went from grade 1 to grade 12 at the same school, during which time my mother suggested I change a school when I was about to do grade 10 and go to another school about 20KMs from home because of the challenges facing the school.

    The director could not afford books and teacher’s payments so we had new teachers almost every months. because I knew there would be rainy days and cold weather I refused to change the school because I understood my mother’s situation and I knew how badly she wanted to give me the best she just couldn’t.

    I told her I’d work as hard as I can to pass and graduate high school, unfortunately she couldn’t live long enough to see me keep my promise and make her happy, she passed away in 2008 when I was in grade 12 and my grandfather in 2009 when I was doing grade 12.

    She is not here today but I kept my promise and I’m still doing all I can to get through college because I know if she could she would’ve given me the best education. so it’s all up to and understanding between the parent and the child

  14. Thanks for your thoughts on this (and on greed & what’s necessary for children). You are right on that my kid (and future kids) need me! Yours need you! Faults and all.

    I think you verge on taking it too far when you say it’s only the love in our hearts that matters- I’m sure you would agree that this should be manifest in what we do! Which might not be the same, but we should still strive to do what’s best for our children and in our circumstances.

    Also, there are some things that are better, in ideal circumstances. For example, that means Breastfeeding, if we can, and not carrying tons of guilt around if we can’t- and not judging others’ reasons for not Breastfeeding. It’s a nuanced thing, but I think the nuance is necessary. All choices are not equal. Or choosing not to give your child a sibling- this choice is much harder for some than others; some can’t make this choice; there’s no rule on family size. But! It’s still true a sibling is one of the biggest gifts we can give our child. It’s part of our love for our spouse- its actually a physically manifestation if that love!

    Thanks for your thoughts!

  15. who in the world could argue with either of your posts?? My son who is almost two of course knows no difference in clothing and his come from a very nice consignment shop, my daughter, who is 11 gets some of hers from there as well! We don’t have a big house or walk in closets or big bathrooms…but I bought it by myself as a single mother working through nursing school. I agree with the college! My mother is a pharmacist (cha-ching!), however she was a single mother of 3 and we ALL still have student loans. Good for you! It’s so nice to see that some people still try to teach their children the value of hard work, respect and morals!

  16. Great article! Both my husband and I come from large families and we have a large family ourselves… my mom has always trustingly said that each child “brings their own bread with them”. Growing up we went thru difficult times with my dad being laid off several times over the years. Regardless, we were fed(much of it from our garden in which we worked), clothed(second-hand and homemade) and had a warm and loving home(our siblings were our best friends and still are) to live in. All of us kids have very good memories of our childhood and do not feel we lacked for anything.

  17. I agree with this post and the previous. I’m not gonna lie though… we are pregnant with our 3rd and already living pay check to pay check and I am worried. I stay at home; a very small townhouse, and we make it work. Would I love a bigger (slightly) house? Yes! Do I wish my kids could take swimming and baseball, and music, and gymnastic? Yes! This is where I struggle, but in the end what matter most is that they are loved and we are happy! My husband is 1 of 14 and they had a great childhood, loving parents, and wonderful experiences. I’m sure they struggled financially at times, but in the end they all went to college and they are all well rounded, happy adults.

    1. Ohh, I do hear you! We are in a slightly better position now, but when we first got married and had our two oldest kids, we were in the same exact boat, so I can totally relate to the frustrations it brings. But you know what, your priorities are so correct. In the end, the extras like that are not usually the memories we carry with us, it’s the simple, loving memories made together. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and delivery! <3

  18. I am now a grandmother who came from a large family….I still remember my Mother being home with us and playing with us and fixing snacks for our “playhouse” …which was outside with only make believe walls and a dirt floor….a stump or bucket was our chair… Now in our retirement years, my husband, John and I now make wooden toys with a purposeful motto: “No Batteries Required – Just Imagination”. Oh, how children need to know how to “play”! May God bless you as you raise your family.

    1. Emily, we love wooden toys around here! I’ll be checking out your etsy shop later today! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! πŸ™‚

  19. Anna, you have a gift. Thank you for blogging with such grace. I discovered your blog a few days ago after stumbling across your last post, which I loved. Then I spent considerable time looking over your blog since you started it (!) Though I don’t really read any blogs regularly anymore (it was something that just fell by the wayside sometime after baby #2 over 2 years ago…I needed that extra time for our home, my husband, or just me), I will be back regularly to read yours because I really believe it will be enriching for me. Our situations are different, as my husband and I both work outside the home, but that makes your content no less relevant to my heart πŸ™‚ I view you as a sister in Christ with a beautiful gift of clarity and prose. Your family is so blessed to have you, and so are your readers.

  20. I totally agree. Everyone one is different and does what is best for them and their family in a given situation. We all need to stop comparing ourselves and accept the difference.

  21. I absolutely loved your last post, I agree with every word of it. I have neighbors and (family!) who think they have to buy their kids Abercrombie and Fitch and the most expensive high maintenance toy out there and even though they LOOK like great parents (or at least boast about it) they really aren’t. They are obsessed with overtime and money, they never “play” with their kids, and they certainly never give them attention. I don’t think kids are expensive, but my husband and I decided on only one kid, and for very very different reasons. My pregnancy was very dangerous, I caught pneumonia during my third trimester, as well as some other horrible instances, so my husband was really afraid. The other reason is because both of our parents were very abusive, very neglectful, and unfortunately both our siblings (him 1, and me FIVE) don’t care about family at all. So we have our one little miracle and we do spoil her from time to time, but my husband hardly takes overtime, and even though I’m a stay at home mom I’m a part time seamstress and my little girl loves modeling for me, watching me while sitting on my knee or playing hide and seek behind the couch. THAT’S what kids want! They want your attention, your love, your willingness to be silly, crazy, dance in the livingroom/kitchen, give them a piggy back ride and pretend to be a dinosaur. They could care LESS what the new style is, the latest trend, or how much you spent on them. Lol. They usually end up just playing with the boxes anyway! πŸ˜€ And I agree,everyone has their own way of parenting/thinking and no ONE person is ever “perfectly right”

    1. Oh my goodness, that’s a lot on toy and your husband. Yeah, definitely a totally different experience for you guys than us. You sound like a beautiful, loving mother who knows what’s important. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective! Hugs to you and your baby girl! Xoxo

  22. I just recently discovered this blog, and girl, I feel like we are kindred spirits! Your previous post brought me to tears. It’s so nice to hear from other moms who are REAL. Those moms who have dirty dishes and laundry and wild 2 year old boys. I agree with everything I’ve read. I hope you continue to blog. Also, your pictures are beautiful. Keep up the great work!

    1. Ahhh, love that feeling! There are a couple blogs I randomly found and was like, YESSSS, I LOVE YOU, BE MY BFF! Hahaha I love blogging on here and don’t plan to stop, so stay in touch! πŸ™‚

  23. I grew up in a family with a lot less money than my children were raised with and the only real difference in the two are more interesting locations for our family vacations, and it being less stressful to provide experiences for our children than it was for my parents. Other than that, I’ve really tried to keep the stuff down. Because I agree that what kids need besides basic food, clothes, and shelter is as much love and emotional security as we are able to give them. Beyond that, nurturing their talents within the limits of our budget and imaginations. So much of what seems vital in modern life was not had by most of mankind, ever, and yet people were able to grow, be happy, love, and be loved. We really do need to dial it down, simplify, engage in life and not in stuff, love our families, love God.

  24. Nice couple of articles. I didn’t read any other posts (but will soon). But FYI, we considered a pursuit of college to be no different than the pursuit of a new small business. We had no intention of setting up a small business and handing it over to any particular child so why would we do that with a college education? Further education is their investment in their future, their earthly future. We had already invested in their heavenly future by giving them (free and clear with no repayment expected) a Christian education with Godly, qualified and very loving teachers who broadened their horizons (earthly and heavenly) far beyond my wildest dreams and who challenged them to be the fabulous adults that they are now.

  25. I love this post, and [LOVE! love! love!] the one before it too. I think so often people think that because we have found our purpose and path and are happy in the way God has led us, that somehow they think we are preaching this is the gospel way to go. This is how God has blessed us, and we want to share that with the world. I hope those who look in on this crazy wonderful parenting journey see it for what it is: God’s design! And then I hope they go talk with the Designer about his beautiful plans for them!

  26. Wonderfully articulated. I admire your humility and your ability to stay focused on what really matters- you and your family’s needs.
    Thanks for being courageous enough to put your thoughts out there. Certainly something many could reflect on. I will definitely share and follow you. Blessings!

  27. This is wonderful. There is so much truth in every line. Thank you for sharing. I stumbled upon your blog thanks to Facebook and can’t wait to read more. I’m new to blogging so if you have time, I would love for you to check my blog out as well. Keep writing and mothering just the way you are! It’s beautiful!

  28. One of the best blogs about motherhood I have read. We are different. Even within one family we are different. I am probably going to treat my second (and last child) different from my first but I love them both and they would really not like it if I treated them the same. One still loves to sit on the couch and have his back rubbed – at 15 almost 16 – and the other would probably get mad if I tried. My first child did not get a job in high school, was more interested in learning music and keeping on top of his studies. He is in college without a car. We have paid for part of his education but, by being a diligent student, he got a scholarship that paid for all of his tuition and is studying music industry. By taking honors classes and still making a 4.0 in college, we have decided that buying him a used car is better than having to drive down to pick him up (and maybe it will make it more convenient for him to get a haircut πŸ˜‰ ). Our original plan was that each son would pay half of the amount for his car. He doesn’t get the car until this summer, if he keeps his grades up. Our younger son, who will be 16 this month, thought this would be the time to ask if he could get the same deal. Ha, ha. Of course, if he wants to wait for a car until the end of his freshman year at college and get a scholarship and a 4.0 GPA, we will do the same for him. He will, however, probably decide to get a job in high school so he can have a car sooner – he is much more anxious to go places. He might even get an academic and an athletic scholarship. I just don’t know yet. We love both of these kids and will do what is best for each of them. If I feel like it is important to treat each of my kids as individuals, why would I even begin to think I can judge how you parent your child?

    1. Ahhh, yes, yes… especially your last sentence! It seems like such an obvious concept to me, but apparently it really isn’t anymore. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on here, and for your kind words. <3

  29. I don’t normally reply to blogs, but you last article was incredible!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for having the boldness to speak the truth in such tender gentle love. Your words are greatly needed in this time where everyone so tenaciously holds on to the temporal material things of this world. Our society is so embedded with the attachment to things that just the mention of a life of simplicity lights the fires of anger and a need to attack to assuage the conviction of the truth. PLEASE DONT LET THEIR WORDS STOP YOU FROM CONTINUING TO SHARE THE TRUTH. I am not saying everyone should be like you. Your article above was a beautiful example of a true believer. Yes, some mothers have to work or send their kids to school…. None of us have to fit an exact mold. I think the main truth of your first article was ALL of us could use with some simplifying, some releasing of these things we are so tightly clinging to. Each and every parent, no matter the situation, can find something to let to of that is not essential to life and might even be a stress causer and time eater. (Example: too much stuff means you spend all your time taking care of it!) Our children need more of us, not more things, and this is an easy task to accomplish wether they are homeschooled or public schooled, wether you are wealthy or poor. If every mom that read your article would just find ONE thing to release to free up even an hour a day to spend in quiet solitude before the Lord and to invest in their children They would find their lives would drastically change.

    1. I’m so glad that you, and many others, were able to understand the point I was trying to make! I will not let anyone stop me from sharing my beliefs or my opinions… just had to turn it off for a while there. It was getting a little crazy. haha Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment! xoxo

  30. So true — very beautiful reminder. One I tell myself often. My prayer is that I would be the mom my kids need, and that God would fill the areas where I’m not so good at it with His grace. He loves my kids so much more than I do!

  31. I am much older than you and now have grandkids. But our family, money, and child-loving/rearing philosophies are very similar. I admire you, I encourage you, I know we would have been friends. πŸ™‚

  32. I had a good friend last year tell me that I’m not raising my children right, and I do too much for my children Therefore, that is why I feel I can’t have more (I have chosen to stop at 3, she is working on her 6th). I asked her how that was possible – doing too much for my children.

    Because I allow them to play sports, participate in clubs such as Cub Scouts, and buy them nice things (my oldest received a tablet for Xmas – which I saved for all year).

    Even through providing these things for my boys – they still learn respect, morals, giving, and life skills. Even though my children ARE expensive – they still get ALL that. It’s not in what you provide them that shapes them – it’s what you teach them while giving (or not giving) that shapes them.

    We all choose to walk different paths. It doesn’t make one person lesser than the other. It simply makes us different. Who am I to judge her for having too many. Do I agree with it? Not at all. It’s not MY choice though.

Comment and share your thoughts!